20260930-144749
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Living on alien planets
the whole script — all 30 scenes, as it finally stood (8 played)
1MIRA, OSKARAn evacuation order has been pinned to their door.
2MIRAThe list names three of them, and Oskar's name is stamped MEDICAL CLEARANCE REQUIRED.
3OSKAR, PILOTOskar takes the lung test for the flight.
4OSKARHe has failed it.
5MIRA, OSKAROskar lays the failed slip on the table in front of Mira himself.
6MIRAMira has torn the failed slip in two.
7MIRAShe forges him a pass.
8MIRA, PILOTThe pilot stamps the forged clearance.
9TOBI, OSKARThree bags stand packed by the door.
10MIRA, TOBI, OSKARThe shuttle has landed and the family joins the queue.
11PILOT, OSKARThe gate scanner flashes red on Oskar.
12PILOTThe pilot tears up the forged clearance.
13MIRA, TOBI, OSKARThe shuttle lifts off without them.
14MIRA, PILOTThe pilot brings the terms of the last shuttle: two seats, and not Oskar.
15OSKAR, MIRAOskar unpacks his bag back onto the shelf.
16TOBITobi has emptied his own bag and hidden his clothes under Oskar's bed.
17MIRA, TOBIMira drags the clothes out and packs his bag again.
18OSKAR, TOBITobi has run to the greenhouse and is working beside Oskar.
19MIRA, PILOTThe pilot hands Mira the oxygen ration for those who stay: forty days, one person.
20OSKARThe canisters are delivered and Oskar counts them into rows.
21MIRA, OSKARMira drags her own mattress in beside his bed: she is staying.
22MIRA, PILOTMira signs Tobi over to the pilot's care for the flight.
23MIRA, TOBITobi sees the form and runs out of the habitat.
24OSKAR, TOBITobi has sealed himself inside the greenhouse; Oskar is at the glass.
25OSKAR, TOBITobi has let Oskar in and fallen asleep against him.
26MIRAMira finds Oskar's oxygen mask on the table where the failed slip lay, and the slip is gone.
27MIRAOne surface suit is gone from its hook.
28OSKAROskar is walking away across the plain, past the pad, toward the ridge.
29MIRA, PILOTMira unties his green scarf from the boarding ladder and finds the failed slip knotted inside it.
30MIRA, TOBIIn Mira's hands, over the scarf, is the failed slip she never tore, and she is on the flight.
scene 1 · medium
An evacuation order has been pinned to their door.
the picture turned out to be: A man and woman are standing in a room. The man is wearing a green scarf around his neck. There is a window on the wall behind them.
looked at: neck, window, scarf
scene 2 · close
The list names three of them, and Oskar's name is stamped MEDICAL CLEARANCE REQUIRED.
the picture turned out to be: Two men are standing outside on a cloudy day. One of the men is wearing a brown jacket. He is holding a white paper in his hands. The man in the brown jacket has a blue name tag on his sleeve.
looked at: white paper, hands, blue name tag, one men
scene 3 · medium
Oskar takes the lung test for the flight.
the picture turned out to be: Three men are standing under a large white tent. One of the men is wearing a white jumpsuit. The other two men are wearing dark green jackets. There is a white box in front of the man in the white onesuit.
looked at: three men, other men, dark green jackets, white box
scene 4 · close
He has failed it.
the picture turned out to be: An elderly man is holding a paper with the word "Failed" written on it in his hands. He is wearing a green scarf around his neck. He has white hair and a grey beard. There are people walking in the background.
looked at: failed, beard, hair, paper
revision 1 — after scene 4:
22 kept, 4 rewritten,
ending moved 0.704
from looking at: 1 image ago: failed, beard, hair, paper
2 images ago: three men, other men, dark green jackets, white box
3 images ago: white paper, hands, blue name tag, one men
4 images ago: neck, window, scarf
totals: neck x1, window x1, scarf x1, white paper x1, hands x1
on screen and never once looked at: brown jacket, elderly man, green scarf, large white tent, man, men, mira, oskar
scene 6moved 0.77
was: She puts the slip on the table between them.
Mira has torn the failed slip in two.
scene 30moved 0.70
was: They are aboard and leaving, the scarf in Tobi's lap.
In Tobi's hands is the failed slip, taped back together, the scarf across his lap.
scene 5moved 0.64
was: Mira finds the failed slip hidden in his coat.
Oskar lays the failed slip on the table in front of Mira himself.
scene 29moved 0.25
was: His green scarf is tied to the boarding ladder.
His green scarf is tied to the boarding ladder, a folded paper knotted inside it.
the whole story from here, as it stood after this revision — 26 scenes
5. Oskar lays the failed slip on the table in front of Mira himself.
6. Mira has torn the failed slip in two.
7. She forges him a pass.
8. The pilot stamps the forged clearance.
9. Three bags stand packed by the door.
10. The shuttle has landed and the family joins the queue.
11. The gate scanner flashes red on Oskar.
12. The pilot tears up the forged clearance.
13. The shuttle lifts off without them.
14. The pilot brings the terms of the last shuttle: two seats, and not Oskar.
15. Oskar unpacks his bag back onto the shelf.
16. Tobi has emptied his own bag and hidden his clothes under Oskar's bed.
17. Mira drags the clothes out and packs his bag again.
18. Tobi has run to the greenhouse and is working beside Oskar.
19. The pilot hands Mira the oxygen ration for those who stay: forty days, one person.
20. The canisters are delivered and Oskar counts them into rows.
21. Mira drags her own mattress in beside his bed: she is staying.
22. Mira signs Tobi over to the pilot's care for the flight.
23. Tobi sees the form and runs out of the habitat.
24. Tobi has sealed himself inside the greenhouse; Oskar is at the glass.
25. Tobi has let Oskar in and fallen asleep against him.
26. Mira wakes to find Oskar's bed empty, his oxygen mask left on the pillow.
27. One surface suit is gone from its hook.
28. Oskar is walking away across the plain, past the pad, toward the ridge.
29. His green scarf is tied to the boarding ladder, a folded paper knotted inside it.
30. In Tobi's hands is the failed slip, taped back together, the scarf across his lap.
scene 5 · medium
Oskar lays the failed slip on the table in front of Mira himself.
the picture turned out to be: Two women are standing inside of a building. Both women are wearing orange jackets. One of the women is holding a piece of paper in her hand. There is a row of washing machines behind the women.
looked at: orange jackets, piece paper, row washing machines, her hand
scene 6 · close
Mira has torn the failed slip in two.
the picture turned out to be: A woman is sitting at a table holding a piece of paper that says FALED on it. She is wearing a red jacket and a silver ring on her finger. There is a black lamp on the table behind her.
looked at: piece paper, red jacket, black lamp, table
scene 7 · close
She forges him a pass.
the picture turned out to be: A man in an orange jacket is working on a laptop. There are two screens on the desk in front of him. There is a man in a black hat standing behind the desk.
looked at: laptop, orange jacket, screens, man
scene 8 · medium
The pilot stamps the forged clearance.
the picture turned out to be: A woman in a red jacket is sitting at a table. There is a man in a white space suit standing behind her. There are papers on top of the table.
looked at: white space suit, red jacket, man, table
never shown — the story from here when it stopped
9. Three bags stand packed by the door.
10. The shuttle has landed and the family joins the queue.
11. The gate scanner flashes red on Oskar.
12. The pilot tears up the forged clearance.
13. The shuttle lifts off without them.
14. The pilot brings the terms of the last shuttle: two seats, and not Oskar.
15. Oskar unpacks his bag back onto the shelf.
16. Tobi has emptied his own bag and hidden his clothes under Oskar's bed.
17. Mira drags the clothes out and packs his bag again.
18. Tobi has run to the greenhouse and is working beside Oskar.
19. The pilot hands Mira the oxygen ration for those who stay: forty days, one person.
20. The canisters are delivered and Oskar counts them into rows.
21. Mira drags her own mattress in beside his bed: she is staying.
22. Mira signs Tobi over to the pilot's care for the flight.
23. Tobi sees the form and runs out of the habitat.
24. Tobi has sealed himself inside the greenhouse; Oskar is at the glass.
25. Tobi has let Oskar in and fallen asleep against him.
26. Mira finds Oskar's oxygen mask on the table where the failed slip lay, and the slip is gone.
27. One surface suit is gone from its hook.
28. Oskar is walking away across the plain, past the pad, toward the ridge.
29. Mira unties his green scarf from the boarding ladder and finds the failed slip knotted inside it.
30. In Mira's hands, over the scarf, is the failed slip she never tore, and she is on the flight.
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